I laughed when I realized how many years it took to discover who I am.... by first zealously exploring who I am not

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Sometimes you just need chocolate milk.....

It's almost midnight. I'm waiting for Publix to post their weekly ad so I can finish my price matching list for the week and I'm drinking a glass of chocolate milk that would make Willy Wonka do a double take. And I don't feel guilty about it at all. 

It's been one of those months. I spent the first week in the bed with the flu... which I believe is code for "stand here while we run a MACK truck back and forth over you 100 times". Zachary had it as well. Now Andrew has it and Jeremy can't seem to decide what he's going to do with it. He is in negotiations with the truck. We will see how that goes. I've spent and entire section of my budget on medicine for the entire family because you really need to be medicated while the truck runs you over, it's like a rule or something to make it not last as long, which I don't necessarily agree with. I think we would have been better off with meds that you took and just woke up and went, oh.. it's 2014, I feel great. At the same time, I'm in one of the largest work load classes I've had to date which involves science and lots of words that I will never understand. I'm also dealing with some major school issues with one kid which has involved tears all the way to school and all the way home and several phone calls during the day. I'm in charge of the kids Christmas play at church. Did you know that trying to get 17 kids from ages 3-13 in a row and singing the same song is like herding cats? Needless to say my plate is a little full.  I love everything on it (well, except the flu) but it is full none the less. I'm a paper plate queen. We don't use real dishes in my house. Ever. Like its a crime punishable by doing the dishes by hand. Well I'm at the summer BBQ and the sauce is running off my plate and I need another one under it for stability and I'm fixing to grab the real stuff cause this paper ain't gonna cut it. So in true to myself form I was "discussing" this with a friend. (I say discuss, you say complain. Whatever. Get your own blog and you can "discuss" your own stuff) In the midst of the conversation he says, wow... so many people have so much going on right now. Yep, there it is. The wheels on my pity bus, I mean discussion train start squealing. I'm so selfish. I'm so totally consumed with myself. He's right. Yes, I've spent 200 bucks on medicines, but I had insurance to go to the Dr and money to buy the medicine my family needed. I don't have to watch my child suffer through a horrible fever, etc with no help. I have the capacity to go back to school and finish my degree. All my classes can't be English, but I am able to learn and push through, with an A, even in Biology. And I have chocolate milk. When I just want to have it, it's in my fridge. To be grateful for the simple things. To be grateful for the big things. That is what my focus needs to be on. I told my son today, our day begins before we ever get out of bed. When you choose joy, expecting a good day your day is going to go so much better. We often get what we expect out of life. When we live in a world surrounded by bad things we begin to expect only bad things and suddenly that is all we see around us. We miss the small moments of life. They are whispers amidst the screaming and crying of all that is surrounding us. It's when we make the decision to see them that our perception and focus changes. We have 13 days left in this year. 13 days to decide what we remember about 2013. 13 days to look at life a little differently, to celebrate the season with a little different focus. As for me.... I'm choosing and expecting joy, peace and a glass of chocolate milk.